Are you Slow? Would you like to be faster? Then all you have to do is send $40,000 in a well-concealed envelope and that will reserve you a position in a forced labor camp that offers proven techniques to possibly make you the fastest thing on a BMX. Results that you will be aware of, guaranteed.

Results may vary. Guarantee in no way implies that you will have notable results in your riding or even that you will remember how to ride your bike when you are freed from the compound. Guarantee in no way implies that you will have improved BMX skills, only that you will be aware of the fact that you have been had and that your months of forced labor have done nothing for your riding.

Getting faster is a skill that money can't buy. Sure, there are dozens of crazy diet and training plans out there, but what really works? No matter what level of riding you may be at, here are ten quick ideas that are guaranteed to make you faster. If you are in staging at the moment reading this then let's just say that you have poor planning skills. These ideas are not overnight cures to having the reflexes of a slug hanging on your branch of the family tree, but they are free, and when you stay dedicated, will work.

1. Ride More

There is nothing better, or easier, than simply riding more. Sometimes being dedicated to your training can be more like a punishment, but let's just say, if this were punishment then there would be a lot of BMXers in for life. Riding your BMX bike helps too build stamina and handling skills whatever your home turf may be. So if you ride a hour a day, make it two, and benefit from stronger muscles and more relaxed in-control feeling on your bike.

2. Troubleshoot

Where do you find yourself going from head of the pack to off the back? Take note of your trouble areas on the track and take time to work on those skills every time you are at the track. If you pull a lead out of the gate and fall back in the rollers or turns, spend the majority of your practice time in those spots. Your long-term benefits will be a smoother, more consistent speed around the track.

3. Eat Right

Telling a BMXer to eat right is like telling Mike Tyson to play nice, so this may as well be nine things guaranteed to make you faster. The reality of it is, shedding the junk food not only helps you shed pounds, but a regular healthy diet is the best way to keep your energy at a steady level. Give it a try and ride fast in all your motos, all day and, if it's the ABA, all night.

4. Dial your Bike

Dragging brakes, hubs that are too tight and bald or low tires are just some of the things fighting you and all the efforts you are putting into bettering yourself. Take some time and dial your ride, and if you can't, find someone who can. Add seconds to your lap time with a smooth rolling, well oiled rig.

5. Sleep

Sleep alone will not make you faster, nor will more of it. If that were the case some of the SHL's would be leading Nascar races. Getting in around eight hours of sleep a night and getting it at consistent times daily will give you a predictable energy curve and not leave you buried in the bottom of a barrel of Mountain Dew come race time. Sweet dreams.

6. Exercise

That's right. Take a little time three or four days a week and lift a few weights, jump some rope and generally get busy in the weight room and off your bike. Putting in a few hours a week will help to keep you well rounded and gives attention to the muscles that don't benefit from the labors of your daily riding. Works for the Macho Man.

7. Relax

There is nothing out there that will slow you down faster then playing head games when you ride. So what if you are sitting on the gate with some of the fastest kids in the country and your parents threaten to ground you if you don't win. Relax and take a deep breath; all you can do is the best you can do. Let your legs do all the hard work and just take your brain along for the ride. Benefit from more control and quicker reaction times.

8. Make the Most of Practice

Practice time can be worth its weight in gold, especially at nationals where it is very limited. Before your practice, look the track over carefully and plan out your lines. Take your time on the first lap and get a feel for the layout of the track. After the first lap, waste no time and get to jumping, rolling and firing through your lines in the turns. Benefit from having your lines dialed before race time and not using your motos as added practice laps.

9. Lighten Up your Bike

Shedding a few ounces here and there adds up to pounds all around. The less weight that you have to push out of the gate and power out of the track, the faster you will go. Lightening up your bike alone will not make a world of difference, but this will make notable difference.

10. Brake Less, Pedal More

Maybe that loudmouth on the side of the track yelling “Pedal” at her kids was onto something. Learn to spin out your gear in the straights and use as little brake as possible in the turns. If you have a hard time remembering this then you may want to slip the foghorn parents at the first turn a few bucks and see if you cant get them yelling at you for a little reminder. Benefit from going faster.

Release the Hounds

When all else fails it may be time to take drastic measures. Surely there are a few neighborhood dogs that would just love to sink their teeth into a nice juicy BMXer. Simply have a few friends gather up some of these hounds and let them off the leash right as the light turns green. And just when you thought you couldn't get any faster. You may have a loudmouth at the first turn yelling “SLOW DOWN” if it comes to this.